she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We need to get me chipped asap
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
