idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
