just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
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Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?