Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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