how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer