dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter