I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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