She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
