Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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