at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
