Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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