My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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