youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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