I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
