Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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