i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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