Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
