since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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