I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If I had your ass I would rule the world
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
