I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
