Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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