my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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