so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
