Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
