You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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