I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
everyone is single if you try hard enough
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
