It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
only if we run a train.
done.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
