the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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