Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
