Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
