I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize