Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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