So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
