Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
