So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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