Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He uses pillows to masturbate.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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