It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
