And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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