I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
