As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
