All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
