Got a toothbrush?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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