You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
