I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
