Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
