But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
