i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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