i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
