Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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