just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
