Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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