if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
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and i looked up. we had an audience...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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