I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
