Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
