I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
