If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
