Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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