Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
