I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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