Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
