Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
