I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
