He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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