Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
