she was so not down for the gang bang
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
