Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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