You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
